Welcome, Adeline Grace

I wanted to write about the birth of my daughter...the most spiritual experience of my life. It is for you to read and for me to keep the memory alive.

Some of you may know that I was planning to have a home birth with my midwife Davi Kaur Khalsa. I was looking forward to being in the comfort of my own home, knowing I would face the most challenging physical, mental and emotional feat of my life. I had a low-risk pregnancy and appreciated the fact that only 2-3% of home births truly require medical interventions, while the average hospital intervention rate is 20+%. I wanted to allow my body to do what it was designed to do without the influence of western medicine. Davi had been delivering babies for 30 years, first in hospitals as an RN, then in homes as a Certified Nurse Midwife. I trusted her judgement and felt confident that she was humble and conservative enough to transport us to the hospital if anything seemed unusual before any emergency situation arose. Though I had spent many minutes, hours, days, weeks and months visualizing the smooth home birth of my baby, I always remained open to accepting the circumstances that came to us. But I could have never imagined what was about to happen.

When I try to remember my labor, it is often quite fuzzy. Some things I remember so clearly, others are like a hazy dream. What I do remember is that I labored for 4 days. And the labor pains I experienced on day 1 were as intense as the pains on the day I delivered her. Adeline was born on Monday 11/24 at 3:40 pm. I started labor Friday evening. The contractions came quickly. Within an hour they were 4 minutes apart but only lasted 30-45 seconds. I called my doula because I knew it was unlikely happen so suddenly for a first-time mom. She had me get in the bath to see if they slowed down. If they did, it was false labor. And sure enough, they started spacing out... 6 minutes, 10 minutes, 12 minutes...I stopped counting after that. And so, from that point on, I stayed in labor with surges every 6-20 minutes. For four days. By Saturday my body started rejecting food and at times even water. I couldn't keep anything down. I spoke with Davi and she told me to ignore the contractions (as did my doula Kimme). For anyone who has ever given birth--you can understand how being told to ignore my contractions seemed impossible. 

The contractions continued, and by Sunday evening I was completely exhausted. I hadn't slept longer than 15-20 minutes at a time, and I hadn't eaten anything in almost 3 days. I called my doula again, concerned that I wouldn't be able to have the mental stamina to continue when my "real" labor began. She suggested I drink a large glass of wine to see if it could help me relax and allow my labor to progress overnight, and she pointed me to my midwife to discuss. I called Davi, and I was shocked by our conversation. She was less than understanding. She was surprised and concerned that I hadn't eaten in days and also that I gotten myself so worked up when I wasn't even in active labor yet. She mentioned that some women go through this for weeks before having their babies. I was horrified. She asked to speak with Jason, and by the end of their conversation she told us to meet her at her office in an hour.

We arrived, and she observer me going through a contraction. And believe it or not, she taught me how to "ignore" them, by allowing them to happen without tensing a single muscle in my body. After I was able to do that, she checked the dilation of my cervix. 3 centimeters. Then she changed her tune. She congratulated me on being in early labor and sent me home to "rest." She told me to drink a large glass of wine and to call her when I woke up in the morning. We headed home and I attempted to eat a snack before drinking. Attempt unsuccessful, so I waited 20 minutes and prayed to the labor gods that I would be able to keep down the wine. Thank god, I did. After two glasses of wine and a short nap, I went into my bedroom to rest as much as I could. 

I woke up at 7:30am and summoned Jason to time my contractions. I text Davi to let her know I was getting closer. And when she called, my contractions indicated I was in active labor. Davi arrived about an hour later. Finally! I was about to have my baby! When Davi checked me, she told me I was 7cm dilated. I was relieved I had progressed so much overnight. But something told her to check again. She told me she felt a bump on the baby's head. After thinking about it for a few moments, she decided we needed to visit the back-up OB, Dr. Crane, in his office in Beverly Hills. She assured me that everything was probably fine, but she wanted to check to see what the bump was before delivering at home. So the three of us got into her car and drove to Dr. Crane's office.We arrived, and Dr. Crane checked on an ultrasound to better assess the baby's positioning. 

The bump...it was a nose. 

The baby was posterior with a crooked brow presentation (left eye and nose down) instead of top of head down.  They left the room to discuss, but I understood that this presentation would result in a c-section delivery. We went back home and tried several exercises from spinning babies to get the baby to turn. I laid on my stomach with my arms to one side, and repeated on the other side. Facing right was excruciating. I wanted to curl up into a ball and die. But with Kimme and Davi’s help, I relaxed into it. After some time I flipped right. This one didn’t feel so bad. We inverted my hips into a bridge. We focused on her right shoulder that felt stuck and asked it to move and release. I took a break and walked around the apartment. When I had surges, I shook my hips vigorously back and forth to get baby to move. I talked to her. “That’s it, baby, that’s it. Just like that. Chin down and turn baby, we got this.” I did this for about 10 or so surges, and then we moved out to the living room. We tried 3 minutes of the Rebozo in a quadruped position. Kimme shook it back and forth through my surges. I then got my hips up on the couch and did inversions for 3 rounds of surges. After that, I laid on the edge of the couch and crossed my top leg over (left side). At first nothing happened, but when a surge came, it was the most painful moment of my labor. Davi quickly told Kimme she needed to check me. The baby was still in a brow presentation and posterior, though this time she wasn’t crooked. But the posterior positioning still wouldn’t enable her to be born vaginally because there would be no way for her hyper flexed next to get under my pubic bone. No one ever said the “C” word, but I understood what was happening. Davi made the call to head to the hospital, and Kimme helped Jason pack me a bag. I climbed into the front seat, and we followed Davi over to Cedars. It’s so strange. I was never worried. I was never focused on what might be. I was totally present in exactly where I was and had complete trust in Davi.

We arrived at Cedars, and I stepped out of the car. Splash. My pants, underwear, socks and shoes were covered in amniotic fluid. I told Davi, and she said it might just be pee, but I knew this was the real deal. We got checked in and they put in a room. They hooked me up to monitors for 20 minutes to make sure baby and I were okay. Davi had me lay down in the bed and wait. It felt so good to be reclined. Baby and I checked out okay on the monitors but the weight of the monitors intensified my contractions. I wanted them off. David told me if I had to pee I could take them off. After she said it twice, I understood what she meant. I was able to get the monitors off!

After using the restroom I didn’t want to lay down anymore. I stood and leaned on a cart and experienced surge after surge after surge. My body started pushing, but I didn’t know if I should allow the pushing or try to hold the baby in. But I couldn’t stop. I kept asking where Dr. Crane was. Davi assured me he was almost there. She told him I was pushing and he said to let me do it while we were waiting for him. So I continued to have surges and my body continued to push the baby out. Davi suggested I get back into bed, and it turns out, that was a game-changing piece of advice. 

About an hour after checking in, Dr. Crane arrived. He checked to see how dilated I was and to confirm the baby's position one last time to determine the course of action. And then he told me that I could push. Davi's advice to get me back into bed allowed the baby to shift to an anterior position--the only way that I could deliver a face presentation without a C-section. I remember looking at Kimme who had tears in her eyes. Then I flashed back into my body. Within minutes I started pushing, and 7 pushes later, the baby’s head emerged. I kept hearing Kimme say, “I can see the baby's lips. It is lips first.” I felt such a sense of relief when the head was out. And then came the final push to get the shoulders out. The baby's hand was up toward its face, but with some maneuvering, Dr. Crane was able to ease out the shoulders and hand. And then the pain disappeared. The baby was born, and I could barely understand what happened. But there was my baby. They put the baby on my chest, and a few minutes later said, “It’s a girl.” I looked at her and thought “Adeline.”

Though it was far from how I planned it, I am so grateful for the healthy and natural delivery of Adeline. And I am also forever grateful for all of Davi's wisdom and making sure we all stayed safe. Davi said in her 30 years of labor and delivery, this was the first face presentation she had ever seen...it happens in two tenths of one percent of deliveries. (Be forewarned: a graphic image of another woman's face presentation delivery here). Adeline Grace made a statement with her entry into this world, and I cannot wait to see what is yet to come.

How do I Identify My Talents and Purpose?

If you haven't noticed, I'm huge fan of Abraham Hicks, and I recently stumbled across a video titled "How to Identify Your Talent." (Click here to watch the video.) The woman in the hot seat asked, "How do I begin to identify which God-given talent I should focus on in order to fulfill my purpose here."

Abraham Hicks: "Follow the fun trail."

And if you have multiple fun trails... "Follow the funnest trail."

There is less resistance and more momentum when you are surrounded by what you enjoy. And that general sense of joy will help deliver more of what you want. Most importantly, you will experience more fun and happiness along the way. The actual receiving of what we want occurs in such small proportions in relation to our time spent on the journey to get there that it is essential that we learn to love our journeys to get the most of out of life!

We hear all the time that we should follow our passions. Do what you love. And there is absolute truth in this. If we do what we love, then our work is not work; it is a playful journey of experiences. Yet there is something more to this, and I challenge you to take ownership of this from both ends.

I do believe we are at our best when we are doing what we love. And I also suggest that we need to learn to love where we are RIGHT NOW to help us get what we want. If we chase whatever it is that we want without changing our attitudes and beliefs about where we are right now, we are setting ourselves up to have a life that won't be entirely satisfying until we attain our goals. That perfect job that you are madly in love with...the dream home...the loving sensitive spouse...they are all components of life that are OUT THERE.. that which you do not have now. If you can learn to create happiness where you are now, then not only will you have more enjoyment in your life immediately, you will also have less resistance and you will be aligned with your "bigger dream" of where you want to go.

For example:
In 2008, I took Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace seminar. We had to write our #1 goal in the top of our notebook. At the time I was living in Knoxville, TN and was in graduate school while working as a manager for a fitness company. My goal was "own a house on the cliffs of Malibu." It still is. I have had many love affairs with my Malibu house, and have worked so hard to manifest it (too much efforting, perhaps!). I have made vision boards, searched online for listings, wrote about how the house feels, had dreams about it, found local restaurants I love, and recently started a Sunday dinner routine by the beach in Malibu (I now live in southern California!). And yet despite doing all of these tasks, I still did not feel like I was truly any closer to my house. I recently got a hit (my lingo for an inspired action) to start designing the interior of the house, so I reached out to a family friend who is an interior designer and asked him what his process is with clients before they start renovating homes. He said, "start scrapbooking any images you like." And so that is exactly what I did. And yesterday, while scrapbooking for the second time, I got another hit: make your apartment feel like your Malibu beach home."

And then I got it.

I've been studying happiness and positive psychology for a large majority of my life in different ways, and recently I've consistently come across research that states that the quickest path to happiness is finding love, enjoyment, appreciation and gratitude in where we are RIGHT NOW. And this is a very specific example of what the Universe was telling me. "Amy, do not think that you will feel better when you get your house in Malibu. Feel better RIGHT NOW." I looked around my apartment and realized that many of the types of furnishings that are in my clippings are actually sitting in my living space RIGHT NOW. They need some straightening up, rearranging, and perhaps I can add a few other items to finish my look. But the truth is, the feeling of that relaxing, comfy, family-oriented home is RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW. And if I live in that satisfaction and savor the good feelings, Law of Attraction states that more of it will come.

Aha! Well done, Universe.

And the same goes for finding a dream job. Manifesting what you want requires you to feel good (so get happy anyway you can), and it also requires inspired action. I think many of us get stuck because we feel really excited about a particular direction or dream job, but we haven't the faintest idea of what action to take toward making it happen. So instead we stay where we are, feeling stuck and unhappy.

Go back to the basics. Find enjoyment where you are. One of the best steps you can take when you don't know where to go is to find happiness exactly where you are. There is certainly something that you like about your current job, and it is your responsibility to find and remember that. Focus on that and only that. Be determined to make your experience with your job the best one you possibly can, and go after that mission day in and day out until your momentum shifts. And I promise you, it will. Beliefs are just thoughts that you think over and over again, so if you have a belief that your job is terrible, you can change that. It takes practice and patience, but you can absolutely create a different belief that your job is wonderful and satisfying by seeking positive thoughts and reinforcing them throughout the day. Remember with Law of Attraction, like attracts like. So if you can create happiness and job satisfaction where you are, then more of it will come. Little doors will begin to open up and you will be met with inspiration to take the smallest of steps to move you in the direction you want to go. You may run into a new contact in the field that you'd like to change careers. You may run across a job posting and find you know someone in that company. Or you may have a moment of clarity in which you suddenly know what you want to do and have an exciting step to take. The opportunities are endless.

So in sum, do what you love, and love where you are. You will create happiness where you are immediately, and will develop momentum to take you in the direction that you want to head.

Cheers,
Amy

4 Lessons from NTC

What I learned from my two days on Nike campus:

1. Take care of your people, and they will take care of you. I have never felt so accommodated, appreciated and welcomed by any other organization in my life as I did this week by Nike at Nike Training Camp. When you experience great service, you cannot help but want to be of service to others. The energy and inspiration that I experienced at NTC was indescribable, and I will forever be changed by it.

2. When you have a goal, take a step of any size toward it. Linear paths to where we want to go are rare. Be comfortable taking two steps to the right, as long as they are accompanied by one step forward. Just keep moving. The path to your dream does not need to be a straight line, and it most certainly will never end up exactly how you planned it. Expect that, and embrace it. And remember that any step is a productive step. Taking no step leaves you exactly where you are, and no one ever won a race at the start line.

3.  Knowing what you don't want clarifies what you do want. So those steps to the right---they help you figure out that you want to go forward next. Life is full of experiences that provide us feedback. So stop that silly talk about failures and successes. Every single experience has value and will take you toward your dream if you are willing to learn from it. Time well spent.

4. Always be yourself. You should be joyously celebrated throughout your life, and that starts each day when you look in the mirror. Know who you are, and be you without abandon. People crave and respond to authenticity, and there is a reason that there is only one of you in the world. Own it.

A huge thank you to Geralyn Coopersmith and her Nike team, Michol Dalcourt, Jason Brown and Julz Arney for sharing your thoughts and experiences that resonated with me. And to the stranger who sat next to me on the flight home--you inspired me to take action and believe in myself, and it couldn't have come at a better time.

xoxo,
ALL

Feeling Good...Because You Expect To!

There's something that I want to share with you on the topic of expectations. We know that you will attract whatever vibration you hold. So if you're feeling happy, happy finds you. And if you're feeling ornery, then ornery finds you. It's really quite fascinating, actually. And if you're ever unclear about which vibration you're holding, pay attention to the experiences and people that arrive in your life. If you find that grumpy people check you out at the supermarket...well...I think you know what your vibration is. Doh! (Yeah, you do that to yourself.)

But I started this conversation (okay, it's really a monologue, but I can totally feel you with me) on the topic of expectations. So there's also something else you should know. Ready for it? Say yes. Your experiences will match your expectations. Have you ever been speeding in your car and just known that there was a cop somewhere on the freeway catching people? And then, BAM! Out he pulls onto the freeway. And of course, if you were really worried about being pulled over, he starts chasing you down the road, right? Right!

Or how about this one: did you just know that you were going to hit horrible traffic on your way home because you're in a rush and you need to be somewhere in a hurry? And by golly, you're right!

It's true. These things happen. The universe coordinates exactly what you expect. It is impartial. It has no bias over whether your expectations are positive or negative. It just wants to deliver exactly what you expect to happen. Isn't that lovely? (Nod your head yes.)

So here's my challenge to you: next time you just know you're going to be inconvenienced by something, change your mind. Decide that something different will happen. Look, I live in Los Angeles, and I spend lots of quality time bonding with the 405 freeway. I'm sure you can tell this by my examples above. But once in a while, for some strange reason, traffic actually moves. And dang it, if it can happen once, it can happen a million times! It's kind of irritating to have to own the experiences of your life like that. I know. I lived in that thought for a little while, too. But c'mon, you know it's true. Hey, people win the lottery all the time. Why not you? Well, right now it's because you really don't expect to. The odds are terrible, so you're sure it won't happen to you. You hope it will, but you don't really expect it to. But I promise you this: when you truly expect it, when you know it in your gut, it absolutely will happen. It's law. (The Law of Attraction, of course.) It has to. Chew on that one for a bit, eh? Imagine the possibilities.

 All of a sudden you're really paying attention to your thoughts, right? And if you're like me you will go through a phase in which anytime you realize you're expecting something annoying to happen, you freak out and and think, "No, no, that's not what I meant! I know it can be awesome. Totally, yeah, no, I'm really looking forward to my work meeting with all of these lovely people in my office." But eventually you will genuinely get there...when you realize that it actually is possible to find joy in everything that you do. You won't be there all the time, and that's ok. (Whoopsie, right?) But you will have more and more moments when you realize that you can create happiness in all situations. And, well, to use my dad's famous line, "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right." You will always prove the Law of Attraction true.

So, cheers to expecting great things...and to being right!
ALL

Whoopsie!

I created this happy blog to keep me focused on all the wonderful things I have and want to invite into my life. I have transformed quite a bit spiritually in this last year, and one of my biggest excitements is staying focused on what feels good, noticing what doesn't, and stopping my momentum on the not-so-good thoughts very quickly. And I am going to let you guess what I say to myself when I am focused on those not-so-good thoughts to get me back on track. Yes! You got it! Wicked smaht. (Indulge me, I'm from Massachusetts.) I say "Whoopsie!"

"Whoopsie!" My favorite new phrase. It is the quickest way I know to forgive myself, laugh at something silly I just did, and move on. 

When I was in high school I was a total perfectionist. I graduated with a 4.979/5.0 GPA. And I think I spent the majority of my spare time replaying the experiences that deducted those .021 points away from my perfect 5.0. I used to replay the track of the mistakes I made all the time. In fact I did that so often that I would repeatedly find myself shouting out "No!" in the middle of a class or conversation that I was disengaged from. I was trying to stop myself from making the mistake again in my head. I know. Pretty sad, eh? It's ok. Happy ending. Happy blog, right?

With time I grew out of that undesirable habit. Yes! And with more time I sunk back into it. Doh! Let's be honest, if we are not aware, we can quickly slip back into a negative focus. It happens to all of us a lot of the time. And Law of Attraction states that whichever behavior we practice is exactly the one we become better at. And not only that, the momentum we create from the chosen thought will keep more thoughts and experiences like it coming right back at us. Which is great news if you're focused on happy....but what if you're not? Then you "Whoopsie!"

We all need our own "Whoopsie!" A little phrase or trigger to help you let go of the negative, have a little giggle, and move on. The "Whoopsie!" moments are wonderful for us.  They are completely necessary to help us identify what we don't want to happen. And when we know what we don't want, then we know what we do want. And once we know what we do want, we get happy and keep our attention there. And voila, our desired manifestations come as long as we are in vibrational alignment with them! 

The "Whoopsie!" moments also prevent us from getting stuck on a negative track of reliving our mistakes. The tell us, "Oops, it's okay, just move forward because it really doesn't mater. You can create something new right now. And now. And now." And consequently, we no longer attract the negative vibrations that would follow if we went down the negative path. 

So for today, I am grateful for my "Whoopsie!" moment. I started working with a beach volleyball coach, Jeff Alzina, and I time-warped back into the 19 year-old unforgiving college athlete I used to be. I wanted to play perfectly. Flawless passes, accurate sets, no room for error. Jeff is a talented coach, and I wanted to impress him. No mistakes. Clean perfect play.

 FAIL. (Shocker. Life is all about mistakes!)

One of the first things he said to me after I made a poor pass and shook my head in frustration was, "If you think you're going to play a perfect game on the beach, you can shut off that mindset and let it go right now. Or else you're done." 

"Whoopsie!"

And with that, I was able to make a comeback. I laughed at myself. I had been living on my spiritual high horse for a few weeks. "Aren't I so cool that I started a happy blog and really have this positive thinking thing down? I am going to get happy and stay in the vortex forever." I was pretty sure I had figured it out and was going to help and inspire any negative-thinking people I attracted to me (Did you catch that? We attract what we are, so why would I be attracting negative vibrations anyway?) And then... "Whoopsie!' ....for sure. I'm one of the negative thinkers too! We all are, and that's beautiful! That's what inspires us to dream about we want to manifest! So let's all keep getting back at it! Do anything you can to get happy, and then...

And cheers and appreciation to your wonderful "Whoopsies,"

ALL

The Not-So-Monkish Spiritual Mentor

Jan 7: What a wonderful day to send love & light to my adored Soul Sister, Rachel. Ain't she sweet? What a beauty! Can't you see her Ray of Sunshine? *LOVE*

I had asked the universe to send me a spiritual mentor. I was expecting a Buddhist monk. Instead I received a pile of books. They came from Rachel, who I had recently met through a volleyball group. At first it seemed strange to me that she was giving me all this 'spiritual stuff.' It was a personal subject to me, so I wasn't sure what kind of agenda this girl might have with me. True, we did have a good conversation, but it was just a conversation. And after living in Tennessee for five years, I've had my fair share of interesting 'conversations'.  So I let the books sit on my shelf for months. She felt very pure to me, but I wasn't ready to get involved just yet. And then one day the book "Ask and it is Given" jumped out at me. Changed my life. And that was just the beginning. After numerous 'random' spiritual encounters that all stemmed back to Rachel--conversations, more books, light work--you name it, I finally got it.  Oooooooh, Rachel is my spiritual mentor. You see, I expected this mentor to spout out all the 'right ways' and 'truths' of my spiritual evolvement. I was waiting to be educated by the wise one. Only, that's not how my spiritual mentor arrived.  Instead of teaching me the lessons, she has guided all of the right information into my path to reach me at exactly the right time when I am ready to hear it. I still get the pleasure of doing my own work, but she helps me arrive at it all in perfect timing.

So on Jan 7: Thanks, Raychaychay of Sunshine for always sending me exactly what I need. You are a beloved Soul Sister, spiritual mentor and friend. I love the light we share, and I look forward to even more fun adventures together!

Cheers, hugs & ladybugs,

ALL

Jessica's "Daily Affirmation"

My dad was a salesman, and I learned from him how to be an eternal optimist.

"Hey Vic, how are you?"
                                                   "I'm terrrrrrrific!"

You can feel it in his presence, can't you?

He was a jolly gent. A gentle giant. And a wonderful daddy. And he helped me program myself to have the best life ever.

I have spent the last few years getting back to the wisdom that he imparted on me before I even hit double digits. I couldn't have been 8 or 9 when he first taught me how to do self affirmations. As a traveling salesman, he had tons of sales tapes in his car, and they were always playing (that is, if Neil Diamond was taking a break). One day my dad was 'feelin it,' and he had me join in.

"Amy, pull down your mirror, and look deep into your own eyes. Repeat after me. I LIKE myself."

"Okay, Daddy. I LIKE myself."

"That's good. Do it again. I LIKE myself. I like myself. I LIKE myself."

And I followed suit. "I LIKE myself. I like myself. I LIKE myself." And I burst into giggles.

"See Amy, you can't help but feel happy when you know how much you like yourself."

And he was right. I'll never forget it. He explained to me how important it was to love myself. That however I felt about myself is exactly how everyone else would feel about me. That I could be anything I wanted to be just by saying it. Period. My dad was very specific about the words he used to describe me, and he made sure I was just as careful to pick the right words about myself, too. He knew that those words following my use of the word "I" would write the story of my life, present and future. He instilled in me a belief that I could have or be anything, and that all I had to do was feel good about it. What a gift.

So for Jan 6: My appreciation is for affirmations. For the ones my father taught me, for the ones I made on my own. And for the affirmation below, of Jessica. A little girl who reminds me of me, completely and totally in love with and absorbed in her life.

Cheers & love to yourself. We LIKE ourselves!
ALL